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Wednesday, December 31, 2008

"When people walk away from you, let them walk. Don't try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring for you, coming to see you, or staying attached to you. When people walk away, let them walk. Your destiny isn't tied to anybody who left."

Oh and guys really should go listen and pay attention to the lyrics of Beyonce's If I Were A Boy.

love you like a sister;
2:40 am

Monday, December 29, 2008

haha i think the best lines in Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants 2 are

Tibby: I suck at relationships. I wish I were a boy.
Lena: If you were a boy, you wouldn't be thinking about sucking at relationships.

love you like a sister;
5:22 am

Saturday, December 27, 2008

so happy i found the chick flicks that i've been wanting to watch online :) i watched wild child and i'm on sisterhood of the traveling pants 2 now. i like it that sisterhood of the traveling pants is not the typical teen flick with a female lead ending up with the male lead sort of thing? the characters are just so real. how they feel, their thoughts...

next will be angus, thongs and perfect snogging! hope it'll be good.

love you like a sister;
8:06 pm

Thursday, December 25, 2008

it's a bloody cult group.

love you like a sister;
11:45 pm

merry x'mas! i had fun last night. it has been memorable unlike most of my xmas-es. thank you all of you!:) i didn't have to join the grinch on channel 5. i hope those unglam photos don't come out so soon. good times like these are so rare when school is going to start. so let's enjoy the holidays while we can! like our night cycling etc. but at least this holiday ended well afterall :) and i'm ready to move into 2009.

love you like a sister;
3:48 pm

Monday, December 22, 2008

you threw it away once and i picked it back. and then you threw it away again. but this time, it's broken and i can't pick it back anymore. i thought you were different but i only have myself to blame. for having bad judgement and being too blinded by love. i'm a fool. i don't want to be a fool anymore.

so i'll leave it to fate just like what you did. and maybe one day we'll cross paths again. if we don't, good luck i hope you'll be well.

love you like a sister;
5:34 pm

Sunday, December 21, 2008

what did i do to deserve this honestly? how about nothing.

love you like a sister;
4:29 am

Friday, December 19, 2008

you feel guilty and nothing else. it's time to move on! come on all my single ladies! we're young and we've got nothing to lose!

wah too many photos alr damn camwhore! and we're damn too much, we had flashlights going on in wq's car the entire journey frighten all the other cars. haha.

love you like a sister;
5:10 am

Thursday, December 18, 2008

it's about 13 days more to the end of the year. this year seemed pretty fast huh. before i know it, it's going to be 2009 and i will turn 21. we're all going to turn 21 one by one. i think 2008 wld be too unhappy to look back upon next yr.

okay it's time i get my lazy tired self out of my hse to go dawns house to kope the stuff she bake. haha. i'm so hungry. i need salty food.

love you like a sister;
2:58 pm

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

i was walking home alone when i realised that no one is going to worry for me when i walk home late at night the way you used to.

i used to depend on you, now i have to depend on myself. you got me so used to having you around and being there for me and then you left me to get used to what it was like before. i still don't see your logic and never ever will. you have the weirdest logic. no one can ever beat you. i thought i was forgiving but i guess i can never ever forgive you for what you did. and it's not like you're actually making the effort to even be good friends like what you suggested? but i will rise above the situation and rise above you.

oh and i gave beer many chances but i still don't like it. even though i think brewerkz beer is the best i've tasted. i only like a bit of the after-taste of it.

and i feel kind of dumb always hanging around online waiting for you to maybe come online and maybe actually talk to me. zzzz me yes i know.

Labels: broken promises

love you like a sister;
12:08 am

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

a good trip to the airport(where i used to frequent whenever i'm down) made me feel better. i guess cooping myself up at home and keeping to myself really isn't the way. i also ate 2 rounds of popeyes for supper haha. i actually managed to laugh at myself and look back and think about how silly i was to think a certain way(or many ways actually). i can sit down calmly and actually start listing out why i'm really upset and disappointed. i have even sort of a plan for myself to find back my inner peace and focus on work for next year. thanks douya :) i'm sorry if you're sick of listening to me or if i really don't make sense and you keep laughing at me. and to make myself happier, i got myself blue nails those like the thomas and friends choo-choo train cartoon kind of blue. and even if it looks crazy and i do sound kind of crazy and appear crazy for this period, i guess it's fine. as louie said, it's okay to be crazy now because everyone will understand. something like that haha. and douya has purple barney nails which are lovely. we will definitely go back to that shop to do our nails :) wq you should try too! west coast plaza the new hip place to be. haha and also, welcome back! we should have that way overdue sleepover! and i will trim my hair on friday!

love you like a sister;
4:19 am

Monday, December 15, 2008

Blind - Lifehouse

"Blind"

I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as he turned around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like it was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

After all this why
Would you ever wanna leave it
Maybe you could not believe it
That my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you will ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

love you like a sister;
1:49 am

Sunday, December 14, 2008

As soon as i hit the sheets, emotions swept right through me and the tears fell uncontrollably. It was yet another sleepless night. Sigh. Love makes us vulnerable. Well, you made me vulnerable and then you shot right through my heart. Am I still alive? I feel like a part of me had died. My heart is still bleeding. Words cannot express the tears that fall and those heart wrenches i feel. I searched myself for answers that cannot be produced. I dug my soul trying to see and accept the situation. All is nothing but a blur. And my vision blurred up again.

Why? How have we ended up here? How have I ended up here alone? Forsaken, forgotten, forlorn... You made a decision on your own. I thought i deserve a say. Afterall, it involved me in the first place. You have scarred me with broken promises. I don't know how long this will take to heal. I'm weak I admit it. I thought I was stronger than this. I thought I was very cautious too but I must have fell into some manhole. This manhole must have been love.

Love has no reason right? Trying to fit a logic to it makes it illogical. Love is the greatest power of all mankind. If you've attained or found it, don't ever ever let it go for anything in the world because it's love that makes you the most powerful person alive.

A trip to love has taught me a lesson. In fact, it has reduced me to an empty walking vessel. It has brought me back to where I once was - cold and empty. And maybe, it's better to entrust you to yourself than to someone else. I guess it's still better to trust yourself. I don't believe in love anymore.

Labels: You're cruel and selfish

love you like a sister;
4:11 pm

Friday, December 12, 2008

*edit: i also want to tell you that whatever you told me hurts like shit or rather hurts like fuck. i need a lot of time to start seeing you as a friend. i waited for after your exams. i waited and waited and this is what i got. you painted a picture so beautiful but the picture didn't include me. i'm just a loser.

i don't know what to think of this but i'll be strong. thanks to the few of you who have been there for me you know who you are:) i really appreciate it.

time to find msyelf and live for myself. there's nothing left for me to hold on. i tried my best. but best wasn't enough.

12 plus am:
it would be easier to say i hate you because you make me cry every night before i sleep. i don't even know what you want, what you're thinking and i never will know. i'm waiting and waiting everyday and i don't even get a reply. wtf is this. i told you on sat and then until now i'm still left alone. left alone to face the sadness, left alone to just cry. i can't believe you even leave me alone when i need you the most. this is what you do best: leave me alone when i need you. i think i'm some joke. what the hell did i even do to deserve this? why the hell am i always left alone when i'm down. this is so dysfuntional. but what the hell can i even do? nothing! i want to help myself but i can't even do that. you're just so cruel and selfish. maybe it's time i face it. time to face that maybe you're not the one for me.

love you like a sister;
9:58 pm

Thursday, December 11, 2008

dream interpretations are so cool. last night i dreamt:

Spa

To dream that you are at a spa, suggests that you need to take time out and pamper yourself. Perhaps you need to come clean and wash away old secrets, pains, or guilt. It is time to let your emotions out and begin the healing process. Start fresh.

Naked

To dream that you suddenly discover your nudity and are trying to cover up, signifies your vulnerability to a situation.

Bread

To see bread in your dream, represents the basic needs of life. Bread may signify the positive qualities and great things you have learned on your journey of life. Alternatively, it suggests that you need to rise above the situation or rise for the occasion.

Escalator

To see an escalator in your dream, indicates movement between various levels of consciousness. If you are going down the escalator, then it implies repression and descent back into your unconscious. It may be indication of a setback.

Car

However, if you are the passenger, then you are taking a passive role. If you are in the backseat of the car, then it indicates that you are putting yourself down and are allowing others to take over. This may be a result of low self-esteem or low self-confidence. Overall, this dream symbol is an indication of your dependence and degree of control you have on your life.

Friend

To see your friends in your dream, signifies aspects of your personality that you have rejected, but are ready to integrate these rejected part of yourself. The relationships you have with those around you are important in learning about yourself. Additionally, this symbol foretells of happy tidings from them and the arrival of good news.

Computer

To see a computer in your dream, symbolizes technology, information, and modern life. New areas of opportunities are being opened to you. Alternatively, computers also represent a lack of individuality and lack off emotions and feelings. Too often, you are just going along with the flow, without voicing your own opinions and views. You may also feel a depreciated sense of superiority.

Ham

To dream that you are eating ham, indicates that you need to preserve your energy.

To see hams in your dream, indicates that you are experiencing some emotional difficulties. The symbol may also be metaphor to suggest your desire for attention.

hmmm wonder if i can actually piece it together. it does make some sense.

and the truth is i miss you and i don't even understand why this is happening. all i did was tell you what i was upset about and you left me alone to face all this sadness.

hmm dream interpretation says:

Possessed

To dream that you are possessed, represents your state of helplessness and not being in control of things.

no wonder.

Labels: Come again another day

love you like a sister;
3:46 pm

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

it's ironic how i only started feeling lonely when i wasn't single. anyway, these days there's nothing much to look forward to. and i think i'm falling sick plus nightmares of getting possessed which is really very very scary(considering i like horror movies and stuff) but thanks to huihui in my dreams who was chanting some stuff to me HAHA. i was so glad when i woke up to find myself on my bed. i just felt like i was going to die or rather i was better off dead lah. it better not happen again. i hate nightmares. and i think i really need to force myself to eat more? i have been eating mostly one meal a day due to the worst sleeping habits ever and it's just very bad lah. thank goodness last night i managed to fall asleep at 2 plus only to wake up at around 9 am unable to get back to sleep. disrupted sleep, disrupted meals, what's next?

Labels: Happy Never After?

love you like a sister;
3:49 pm

Monday, December 08, 2008

i'm just waiting to see how you're going to handle this. and how you handle this is crucial in letting me decide if i should just hold on or let go. i hope that whatever you do, you won't look back with regrets.

love you like a sister;
10:02 pm

"... but there're still things and spaces that are entitled to us." thanks friend:) but you know what? maybe i don't have the confidence that i'm actually entitled to it. and that's what makes it really sad.

love you like a sister;
2:37 am

Sunday, December 07, 2008

i think i've lost my faith in it.

love you like a sister;
3:06 am

Saturday, December 06, 2008

i think i'm kind of numb or getting used to it. but then i start to ask myself, why should i get used to it? it's overdone. it's crossing the limit.

dear friend, i know exactly how you feel and you are not alone. sometimes i tell myself that i don't deserve this but i'm just too soft to do anything about it. or rather i have no power. you're probably in the same boat. but we're strong, we don't let it make us depressed. we don't let it bring us down simply because it's not even our fault or within our control. we're super totally exasperated but just let it be and one day, maybe we'll be so over it we can laugh about it. meanwhile, let's enjoy this holiday. we've got each other :)and we can be busy too!

i'm done with crying

love you like a sister;
11:08 pm

Monday, December 01, 2008

one day... maybe that one day will come. when i can't take it anymore.

love you like a sister;
2:10 am